Can you "C" your way clear to write a story that includes these "C" words????

Chippiwa Falls


Calamity Jane


Cactus fever


Calling all______


Captain of my heart


Captain Kangaroo


Captain Crunch


Captain Morgan


Captivating


Can we talk?


Can it sister!








If you must you may leave out ONE of the captains!!!

Can you "C" your way clear to write a story that includes these "C" words????
CAPTAIN MORGAN AND CALAMITY JANE


-OR-


YOU TWO-TIMING NO GOOD CARP!





Captain Morgan went to sea upon a rusty boat


He took along some Captain Crunch and seven billy goats


The Captain ate the cereal, the goats just ate the box


And then they all had toast and jam, some bagels and some lox





When Captain Morgan got to shore he vowed to live on land


With all that sloshing to and fro he found he couldn't stand


But when he got his land legs, he bought himself a ranch


With chicks and geese and Jersey cows, and horses that could prance





One day he met Calamity Jane, she knew right from the start


He was the one she'd waited for. "Oh, Captain of my Heart!"


Sighed Jane, and soon she reined him in, she was a good retriever


He fell for her, and then fell ill with creeping cactus fever





Poor Jane was getting worried, she was calling all physicians


There were no docs for miles around, just the kind that treated chickens


She took him to the city, there was nothing else to do


They put him in the hospital, for a month or maybe two





He stayed up on the second floor, in room two twenty two


All day he watched the soap operas, then Captain Kangaroo


One day a captivating nurse took him for a walk


One look and he was smitten, he said, "Honey, can we talk?"





He was released and they eloped; they left a jilted Jane


Hell hath no fury like her, for Calamity is her name


They found a place near Chippiwa falls and made it their new home


Jane lost his trail, and so upon the desert she did roam





The moral to this story is that Morgan was no catch


If Calamity Jane had half a brain, she should have thrown him back


She thought she'd found a treasure, but all she got was pain


She wished that her two-timer would go sailing down a drain!
Reply:In this captivating tale, Captain Morgan sailed his ship to chippiwa falls. He met his buddy Captain Kangaroo who was eating his favorite cereal, captain crunch. Capt. Morgan yelled loud, "Calling all men on board," but only the captain of his heart, Calamity Jane came out. "Can we talk?" he asked. "I have cactus fever and only Capt. Kangaroo can solve the virus" he confessed. Jane didnt know what to say but was a bit disgusted by the news. "Is it contagious?!?!" she proclaimed. Thinking better of revealing the news, Capt. Morgan turned to Jane and yelled, "CAN IT SISTER!" Capt. Kangaroo recognized the urgency of the situation and quickly gave up the remedy.


Everyone lived happily ever after.
Reply:Chippewa Falls !
Reply:No.
Reply:THE CAPTAINS AND CALAMITY JANE





CALAMITY JANE here--originally from CHIPPEWA FALLS, Wisconsin. I got my nickname “Calamity” because for me, it's just one little disaster after another. People would say I was a “calamity waiting to happen” and the name kinda stuck.





My parents took my brother and me on a family vacation to Arizona about ten years ago. I instantly fell in love with all things Arizona—mountains, desert, cactus, and palm trees. You might even say I had “CACTUS FEVER”.... Desert cactus can’t live anywhere that isn’t “Hot! Hot! Hot!” and I didn’t want to either! That’s why when I grew old enough to be on my own, I headed right back to Arizona. I never much liked freezing my “assets off" in the Wisconsin winters. I’d had enough snow and ice to last me my entire life.





Strangely enough, now that I look back on it, I have been, in one way or another, obsessed with various captains over the years. The first one I can remember is CAPTAIN CRUNCH cereal, especially peanut butter flavor. I would never leave home without my little snack baggie of Captain Crunch. Cheerios were good, but they could never take the place in my heart occupied by Captain Crunch!





The next captain on my list was CAPTAIN KANGAROO. Every morning, instead of running outside to play, I’d plop down in front of the TV set. “Don’t tell me I had nothin’ to do!!” My favorite features were the “Magic Drawing Board,” and the Captain himself reading stories, such as “Curious George,” and “Make Way for Ducklings.”





As I grew older, other captains entered my life, such as Captain James T. Kirk of “Star Trek,” and the CAPTIVATING Captain Jack Sparrow of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies. In fact, I even took up drinking CAPTAIN MORGAN rum because of him. Somehow it made me feel “close” to Captain Jack because rum was his drink of choice. There was just something about his smudged black-lined eyes, gold teeth, and braided and beaded hair and beard that made him totally irresistible.....and, of course, his drunken swagger.





One day, another "little calamity" was my fate--caused by driving under the influence of Captain Morgan. I failed my sobriety test, and got arrested. Because of the impact of the tree that jumped out in front of my car, I hit my mouth on the steering wheel, resulting in an emergency trip to the dentist on my way to jail. Anyway, long story short, when the dentist offered me a choice of gold or porcelain crowns, I said enthusiastically, “Make them all gold, like the teeth of the CAPTAIN OF MY HEART, Captain Jack Sparrow!” (Perhaps the rum was doing the talking!!)





While the dentist was out of the room, his dental assistant turned to me and said, “CAN WE TALK?” I answered; “Sure,” as best I could, considering my befuddled brain and the Novocaine in my jaws. She replied in a friendly manner, “There’s an Army base nearby. It must be full of guys who would like to meet a pretty girl like you. Wouldn’t you be better off with a real captain to love instead of some fantasy that can never happen?" With great effort to speak clearly, I mumbled, “CAN IT SISTER! No one can compare to Captain Jack Sparrow!”





Now I’m in jail, sober and lying on a bunk reflecting upon my life, while serving time for drunk driving. I have come to the conclusion that the dental assistant was right. It’s time to live in the real world! By the way, it looks like I’ll be taking cabs for quite awhile--lost my driver’s license!!





Right now, I just have the temporary crowns in place while the permanent crowns are on order. I’ll call the dentist’s office as soon as possible, and hope it's not too late to change the order from gold to porcelain crowns. Then, I’ll get in touch with a dating service. Let’s see now, how would I word my ad?? Hmmmmm! -- “CALLING ALL CAPTAINS—MUST LOVE CACTUS!!”
Reply:Silva, Sunshine, Matt and ...... Miss Kitty





"From The Halls of Montezuuuuuuma "





Kitty:"Can we talk?" Silva never looked up from the paper she was reading. "SILVA!!"


Silva:" Can it sister! Can't you see I'm trying to read?!"


Kitty:"What could you find in the Chippewa Falls Gazette that could POSSIBLY be Captivating ?!"


Before Silva had a chance to fire back, Sunshine came running into the room . She was madly waving the Marine flag as she dove over Silva ,bounced off the couch and fell on the floor, laughing all the while.


Silva barely flinched. She was accustomed to Sunshine and her wild ways. Kitty,on the other hand, threw her coffee cup in the air, knocked over the box of Captain Crunch and screamed.


Kitty:" Why must you ALWAYS try to emulate Calamity Jane


on drugs ?!!!"


In another 5 seconds Matt came running after Sunshine.


Matt:"Calling all recruits! Get back in the trenches, you Leatherneck. 'Boot Camp' ain't over!!" He was smiling from ear to ear.


Sunshine:"SIR!! YES,SIR !!" As Matt threw her over his massive shoulder Sunshine looked at Silva and winked. "Mmmmmmm.....He's the Captain of my heart. I just LOVE it when we play 'Boot Camp'!!"


Silva:"Uh, huh. PEOPLE?!!!! Would you PLEASE let me read?!!!!!!"


Kitty sneered at Sunshine and Matt as they left the room ( she was still in love with Matt) and then turned her attention to Silva.


Kitty:" What on EARTH could be more interesting that the maniacal antics of those two jackasses?!"


Silva:" Well listen up....It says here that Captain Morgan.... He's my old boyfriend back home...Well....It says here that he caught Cactus Fever when he was visiting his family in Hoboken."


Kitty:"WHAT?!! The last I checked, there were NOT any cactus growing in New Jersey!!!"


Silva was about to explain when Sunshine's voice came booming from the back bedroom:





♫ "From the halls of Montezuuuuuuma to the shores of Tripoli♫.... HEE HAW, MATT BABY !!! "





Silva broke into a smile.


Kitty dropped her chin to her chest.





CAST OF CHARACTERS:





Silva .... http://www.relentlessly-positive.com/ima...


Kitty ...... http://www.mentelocale.it/img_contenuti/...


Matt and his Sunshine .... http://www.speedysigns.com/images/decals...
Reply:I'm writing this captizating (X) tale on a spare piece of paper, hoping that someone can read this in the future and know the full truth.





We were all going to die going over Chippiwa Falls (X). I'm usually not one to point fingers, but I blamed Calamity Jane (X) and Captain Morgan (X) above all the others.





I'll start at the beginning, where I guess all stories should start.





We were leaving Desoto in our small schooner, hoping to reach the fertile fishing grounds that an Australian captain that told us about. What was his name Captain Wallaby, Captain Kangaroo (X), Captain Dingo? I'm not really sure, but he told us about this fertile fishing ground just a few miles out.





I'm not really sure what happened, but we got lost in the river (Which was difficult since there were no side branches and the river only went one way). The crew kept eating the local plants whenever they could, though the cactus occasionally gave supposed captivating (X) vision and frightening sites. We grew accustomed to it and even joked at calling it cactus fever (X)





At the time, we were under a good man. He wasn't really a bright man. One night, a long time ago, a crewman bet the captain that he wouldn't fight an alligator. Many pints of ale later, the captain did it. The alligator got his left leg. Against his protests (claiming he had the gator on the run) we pulled him out. After he came back with a peg leg, we called him Captain Crunch (X).





Well, one night, in the height of a cactus fever, we lost the captain overboard. No one actually knew about it until the next morning. For about two days now, we've been lead by his former first mate, Morgan.





Morgan had this girlfriend who went with him everywhere, even sailing. It was unusual, but we all jsut went along with it. Her name was Jane.





Well, Jane was a nice girl and all, but she was prone to accidents. Everywhere she went, disaster followed. It got to the point where we would jsut call her Calamity Jane.





About two days after Captain Morgan was named our new leader, Calamity Jane went up to him at nightfall (Last night). The bridge of the ship was empty except for them. He was piloting and she was dressed in almsot nothing.





I was mopping the decks at the time and heard the exchange. The reason that I said the two were alone was because msot people on the ship don't really count the mop boy as a person.





"How powerful you look, great captain." Jane told him.





"Can it sister (X)." Captain Morgan told her, his voice filled with the superiority of his rank and the playfulness of a lover.





She massaged his arm. "So strong, manning the sails all day. I guess now you really are the captain of my heart (X)"





"Captain, at least." He said, the rank in his voice lost at her touch.





Their flirting continued for several minutes before I finished mopping. The last that I heard of the exchange, she was pulling him by the sleeve and saying "Can we talk(X), alone, in your quarters, probably for a good hour? Maybe Two?"





I didn't wait to hear his reply, but went directly to sleep. In the morning, I awoken by the sound of rushing water and a loud voice screaming "All hands on deck. Calling all hands(X) on deck?"





I rushed to see the problem. The captain pushed me out of the way, straightening his clothing. Upon seeing this, I knew what the problem was. Captain Morgan had abandoned his post without putting in a replacement. The ship had drifted all night.





Only when I got on deck did I realize the true extent of our predicament. Somehow, we had come across a waterfall that was not on any map. Right before I started writing this, the captain smiled and named the waterfalls Chippiwa Falls, after the trieb of natives in the area.





I guess it's good that the captain was naming our grave site, but somehow I wish I could have gotten a job on the other boats under some other captains.





I mean Captain Bud was wiser, Captain Miller sailed smooth in the waters, and Captain Daniels was a jack of all trades.





But, I had to take a trip with Captain Morgan. If this idiot could have been captain, i guess there's a little captain in all of us.